It’s Been 3 Years…

AngelSketchAs I sit here, I reflect on these past few years and the culmination of the years that brought me to the great divide—that unmistakable point in my journey when everything changed. This review exposes the man I was and the man I continue to transform into. This is not a story of flawed to perfection; but rather one of presumed perfection to humbly-flawed.

When this review settles on me as a father, I pause and think of my Angel Girl. I loved her as any father loves his daughter. With Angel, I was taken by her gentle confidence. She appeared shy, yet had a strength that grounded her in independence and her caring spirit was her gift.

I was blessed that God prompted me to write her the following letter to fulfill a school project of hers. This was written just one month before that fateful day…

AngelLetter

God’s providence allowed for the timing of this letter and my heart is humbled by His foresight. I am truly thankful that I was able to share these heart felt words with my precious Angel Girl.

It becomes my challenge to embody a transparent heart in all that I pursue, and none more essential than in the relationships that surround me whether intimate or casual. This is to take what God is teaching me through the loss of my Angel, and putting the gentle heart He has given me into action. This new perspective has slowed my perception into patience through the love He has comforted me with. It is with this patience I experience all that He shows me and my character gains hope, and with this hope I am receptive to receive His eternal blessing.

3And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; 4and perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. (Rom. 5:3-5)

All that I would give to be the father to Angel as she lives and breathes today with this new perspective and faith, but it is just not to be. I pray that I embody this Godly view with my boys even though they have grown beyond my immediate guidance. It is my responsibility to remain intentional in their lives and be the change I encourage them to be.

My dreams and memories contain my Angel for me here, but I long for the heavenly reunion that will come to me one day, and that will be only in God’s time.

As I write in my journal every night, “Hey you my sweet sweet Angel Girl, I love and miss you with all my heart and soul” and with that I say Amen.

May God Bless You and Give You Grace!

 

Advertisements

About Michael Cartwright

Follower of Christ Jesus! I am a person of patience, compassion and understanding. I have been married to my wonderful wife Stephanie since 1990. We have 3 children Dalton, Dylan and my late daughter Angelica (My Angel Girl) who ascended to the heavens on June 29, 2010. She continues to teach me many great lessons.
This entry was posted in Bereaved Parent, Bereaved parents, bereavement, bereavment, child death, Child loas, Christian Faith, Faith and Grief, Loss of child, Mourning a child, Salvation, shadows and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to It’s Been 3 Years…

  1. As the dad of Chloe, I thank you for your vulnerability. That was powerful. I pray comfort, peace and grace upon us all as we grieve the loses we face.

  2. Reblogged this on Daniel Tomlinson and commented:
    Thank you Michael for your incredible heart of love.

  3. VickieDawn says:

    You said beautifully. Thank you for pouring out your heart in such a way that others are so blessed. Thank you for the scripture. Though I have read it many times, it explains my feeling of loss that was hope, and how it is restored.

  4. Ann Gardner says:

    Only brave people walk around with transparent hearts and you are one of the brave ones. Your character and hope are obvious to others.
    I have been thinking about writing my daughter a letter–you have prompted me to do so now. Thank you.

    • Ann, your words are very dear to me, and I thank you for all you do. The letter I wrote to Angel was a true blessing and I would encourage any parent to write their heart to their child.

      God bless,
      Michael

  5. kim riley says:

    Michael, you Stephanie and your boys are in my thoughts and prayers especially this day, as you continue to move forward in your lives. I pray for your comfort and peace. I know that your sweet Angel is with you all daily and that you will all be reunited. God Bless you my friend.

  6. Jeanie says:

    Michael,
    I admire your strength and your close relationship with God. I truly believe you and Stephanie are God’s angels here on Earth. I am blessed to know you! Thank you for sharing such a beautiful letter!

  7. Denise says:

    I am so sorry for your loss; and as I keep saying, every time I hear of another parent who’s lost a child I am wrenched. I am back to feeling like I can’t bear this. Thank you for your thoughtful words.

  8. On the morning of Jason’s 19th birthday, I woke up early and sat down to write him a birthday letter. I’m so glad I listened to that little “prompting” to write and tell Jason how proud I was of him and how precious he was to me. He didn’t live to see his 20th birthday, and the pastor read my letter as the eulogy at Jason’s memorial service. You have to take the time to tell people you love how much you love them and how proud you are of them when you have the chance. (You can read it here: http://onewomansperspective02.wordpress.com/writings/).

  9. Pingback: Taking the time | Grief: One Woman's Perspective

  10. Clara Hinton says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful letter with us. I’m so very sorry for your loss, but so very thankful that you took the time to tell your sweet daughter how special she was. As each of us here knows we have no promise of tomorrow so the time to say “I love you” is today — right now — always! Thank you for the precious reminder.

    • Thank you Clara! It was truly a blessing that I was able to share these words with my Angel. As you say there is no promise of tomorrow, so it is up to each of us to share our heart with those we love.

      God bless,
      Michael

  11. dmeinegraham says:

    Reblogged this on A Friend on the walk and commented:
    Really like this post so thought I’d share.

  12. Thanks, brother. That was beautiful.

  13. tersiaburger says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. My daughter died 200 days ago. The last words she spoke were “Mommy I love you” and the last words she heard were “I love you Baby”. We are priviledged. Many parents never get to say those precious words.

  14. Tina Sansone says:

    Michael,
    Your words are so beautiful and touch my heart. Thinking of you and yours as we also go through our transformation and grief.
    Blessings, Tina

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s