Why Me…?

I will never forget this awful time, as I grieve over my loss. Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; His mercies begin afresh each morning. (Lam. 3:20-23)

In the first days of my Angel’s passing, I was in a stunned somber state. It took weeks for me to settle into the devastation of my new reality, and the remnants are still coming to rest. I suspect that these unsettled moments will continue with me throughout my journey with varying degrees of intensity.

When I reached the first plateau of this new emotional infancy, I questioned God. My obvious inquiry was “why, how could this happen”? Strangely, I did not feel as though I was being punished. Although I had my bouts with poor decisions and sin, I had not been blatant in my transgressions; but I most definitely had not been a saint. So the question of “why” I came to realize is something my human nature would never discover or understand…I just prayed for peace in these matters.

As I became somewhat stable in this realization, I began to appreciate the plight of others that have experienced such a loss. The fact that I had not been singled out as a target somehow eased my anguish, and the thoughts of “why me” became an obvious venture into selfishness. Early on, it’s as if I thought I was above reproach from the course of life that had tackled so many. I am now aware that life’s course has a gravity of it’s own, and how it falls is a mystery that no one is exempt from.

This realization I have discovered is God’s answer to me as I raise the question of why. It does not explain the purpose, but it gives me the comfort and peace I need to continue. I came to the true awareness recently that I will see my Angel girl again; this was confirmed in my heart in a way that I cannot express. I have voiced this thought in the past, but this particular instance was a gift from God that confirmed my faith in Him.

I pray that I continue to seek God’s comfort, peace and understanding as I walk with Him in this new awareness that has fallen upon me as a gift.

May God bless you and give you Grace.

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About Michael Cartwright

Follower of Christ Jesus! I am a person of patience, compassion and understanding. I have been married to my wonderful wife Stephanie since 1990. We have 3 children Dalton, Dylan and my late daughter Angelica (My Angel Girl) who ascended to the heavens on June 29, 2010. She continues to teach me many great lessons.
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2 Responses to Why Me…?

  1. ephesians516 says:

    Michael:

    As one who has experienced the loss of child, I appreciate your insight and experience. We too have “began to appreciate the plight of others who have experienced such a loss” and have been comforted by those people. Thank you for challenging me to consider the thoughts of “why me” as a selfish venture, as if I am above reproach.

    God bless and comfort you.

    Andy

    • Andy,
      Although I look at the “why mes” as, at time selfish, I still need to allow my grief to be experienced as I go through it. It is the Lord I find comfort in along with others, such as yourself to help me through. I am actually working on my next blog entry outlining my thoughts on the “selfishness of grief”. But…the experience of grief is vital so that it does not cripple us along the way. I sincerely appreciate your kind words and pray for healing towards your family.
      God bless,
      Michael

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