For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. (Heb. 4:12)
I am who I am and that is me. That is who I have always been. I know this along with all of the inner dialogue and thoughts that have accompanied me throughout my journey. Contemplation, that at times, led to action, and other times settled in the comfort and safety of my own hidden intellect. My true motive and intention, rests solely on my shoulders. As long as no one discovered any negative agenda, all would be fine.
This has been the mode of operation much of my life. Nothing vindictive or wicked just unfiltered beliefs and opinions that I regarded as unfit to share, making them harmless in my mind. This was my safety net. By choosing not to vocalize them, I settled on the no harm, no foul concept. This being simply a concept, allowed for self-betrayal to escape and be exposed. This unintentional reveal would slip out by means of sarcasm, anger, or humor of the harmful variety.
No matter the method of exposure, these verbal acts were at least released, and my need for repentance became evident. It is the unrevealed instances that pose a greater danger to my spirit. These are acts that get internalized in hidden, unknown agendas causing damage in areas of faith and my relationships with others.
As I walk in my journey today, I have become more attentive to the ill will that seeps into my thoughts. I now release them to God as soon as I become aware of their presence. God has and will always know the truth as it rest in me. Early on I was entirely delusional to assume my scheme was concealed. As the scripture reveals: Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable. (Heb. 4:13)
I pray that my innermost thoughts find rest in peace and compassion, and if thoughts of disgrace emerge I will release them to God without hesitation.
May God bless you and give you Grace.