I have thought of this entry for a while now, and it is difficult for me to discern what my purpose is in sharing it at this time. I pray that my writing is clear and that my words make since.
As parents, Stephanie and I are loving and supportive. I feel we add just enough discipline to maintain an even balance for our kids as they grow to adulthood and beyond. In the area of worry and the continual battle of trying to keep them safe…we struggle just as all parents do. So in the constant dialog of: Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you with? And the myriad of other pressing statements, we are guilty of this concerning protection. Although, I have learned that try as I might, I will never know God’s plan. For Job said I am nothing—how could I ever find the answers? I will cover my mouth with my hand. (Job 40:4)
The night that Angel left us, she was under our roof and our protection. Her passing was sudden and unexpected. The actual cause remains a mystery to the medical examiners office and us. The struggle to keep her “safe” was out of our hands that night. This quandary has led me to believe that control is just an illusion. It’s like a child holding a kitten too tight just to cuddle and keep it safe, and then gets scratched in the process. The child then learns to loosen their grip just enough to apply gentle comfort.
I could have gone several directions as a result of Angel’s passing. And by no means am I the only person to go through something like this. It is nothing compared to what Job endured. Yet, standing just a few months removed from the stark emotion of this surreal happening, I thank God that I have fallen in the direction of Faith. There is no other way that I will be able to keep my sanity, but by the Grace of God!
May God bless you and give you Grace!