My initial definition of fear is probably like most you. A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil or pain. Now this describes what I encounter when there is an unknown element lingering in the midst and I am UNSURE of the outcome. If I knew what the outcome was to be, then there would be a much calmer approach to the end result.
Then there is the fear of exposure like; if people get to know me, they won’t like me, I walk or talk funny, I’m the wrong color, I’m too tall or too short, I’m not talented enough, and so on. This judgment-based fear is tricky for me, because it resonates from deep inside and is sometimes hard to filter. The best I can do to help adjust this is to lessen my tendency to judge others, which easier said than done. But I’m working on it.
Now the fear of God, for me, is a bit more complicated. If he is a loving God, why does the bible refer to the “fear of God” so often? My NLT Bible defines fear as “To have reverential awe of God; to be afraid or apprehensive” Job feared God and stayed away from evil. (Job 1:1). My definition of this biblical fear has come to mean an awesome respect for God and his authority and not to bring shame to his word by the actions that I do.
When my daughter Angel was rushed to the hospital, I experienced a culmination of all of these fears. This was an emotion that had me trapped in the what-ifs, whys, not me’s, and desperation. You see, this wasn’t suppose to happen to me because I was special some how. I have discovered that I am special, and so is everyone else. But being special doesn’t give me a pardon from the course of life.
Many blessings have happened since Angel’s passing. I wish she could be here physically to see how powerful her life was and the effect she had on so many. I do know that she is looking on from above and helping to soften my fears as I venture through this adventure called life.
May God bless you and give you Grace!